#87. Buy dessert for the family.

If you want to do a nice thing for your family, but still want to save your money and stuff yourself with dessert, take my advice and do the following:

  • First offer to pay for the whole meal. Only when they all say: “No way, of course not!” should you offer to pay for dessert. The unbelievably generous gesture makes it seem like you would have actually paid for the whole meal.
  • Only get one piece of cake and ask for “extra utensils.”
  • Subtly guilt the other people at the table into feeling bad about eating a lot of the dessert (try: “Did you go to the gym yet today?” or “So ice cream earlier and cake now? Wow big day!”).
  • When the waitress places the dessert on the table, slide it closer to your half of the table. The people on the other side probably wont make the effort to reach over the ketchup, salt, pepper, napkins and leftover food to try and get to your cake.
  • Let them take one bite, and while they are distracted with their chewing, biting, and swallowing it is your prime moment to take as big of a piece of dessert as possible without calling too much attention to yourself.

And that’s it. You’ve paid five dollars, feel full and satisfied, and have earned the respect of your family – most of whom thought you were too broke to buy toenail clippers, much less dessert for the entire family. A successful night out!


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